Haha, this is the horrible thing I submitted to the Autumn contest, it was SO MUCH FUN to make!

Autumn Bind

 

I remember

when I was a kid

first finding out that “fall”

was sometimes called

“autumn.”

I don’t remember

how I felt about it then,

but from my perspective

now it seems

a bit silly,

a bit redundant,

a bit annoying. 

Why all the silent letters, Autumn? 

What’s with all the u’s? 

Don’t you know that u

is the least cool vowel? 

Not counting y and w. 

Wait,

is w widely considered to be a “sometimes” vowel

or is that just y,

and w is only a semivowel

in linguistics? 

Man. 

I declared a linguistics minor last semester.

Mostly just to put on a job application;

there was a space for it, and

I felt silly saying I didn’t have one. 

I was in ELANG 223 at the time

and it was pretty cool

so I thought, hey, why not? 

But now that I’m in the thick of it

it seems pretty dumb,

because sure, it’s interesting,

but it’s hardly practical,

or useful for pretty much anything I can think of.

And it’s funny,

because my major is English,

which I already get hassled about

at family dinners with my aunt and uncle who think

everyone should be an auto mechanic

because at least they’ll never be out of a job. 

Although why

my aunt and uncle care

about my future employment

is something of a mystery. 

It’s not like I’ll be coming to them

after a long fruitless day spent on street corners

with a cardboard sign saying

“Will critically analyze for food.” 

And anyway,

I have a plan now,

so everyone can just lay off. 

I’m taking the GRE,

I’m applying to grad schools,

and I’m going to book bind. 

And it is going to be awesome.

I found this one program at the University of Iowa

(which is weird because as far as I know

the Midwest may as well be a conspiracy of cartographers) 

where you get a joint degree

in library science

and book studies. 

So, library science

for when I am starving

and actually need to be employed,

and book studies

for when I decide that

food is overrated

and what I really want to do

is live on the streets with a sign saying

“Will print and bind publications using only materials of my own make

[for food].”

Maybe when all my days

are spent wrapped in newspapers

wearing fingerless gloves

I will see the trees in a new way. 

I will press the crunched and fallen leaves

into the paper that I make

and I will strip bushes of the little red berries

left behind after the foliage falls

and I will mash and boil them

and use them as dye. 

Autumn is a good time for making things. 

Even if it does have a pointless n

and too many u’s.