Some Ruminations

So I'm sitting here in my mom's kindregarten classroom, killing time, waiting for her to get out of a meeting, and therefore I'm thinking of what I would do in this location in the event of a raptor/zombie/zombie raptor attack.

The first thing to consider is the time frame. If I had some warning, say, a shriek from down the street, I would want to gather supplies briefly and then probably sprint to a different classroom--the K classrooms are set off by themselves, whereas the general wings of the school have fenced in hallways. Not like a chainlink fence with a 1 1/2 foot gap at the top is going to stop all zombies in their tracks, but it would slow them down, and maybe create a temporary bottleneck before the sheer mass of zombies rippe dout the posts. With raptors, I might not even bother trying to seek refuge behind the fences, since they'd probably be able to take them down in one leap.

Alright, but say I don't have time to run for fence-shelter and am also therefore cut off from the rest of the staff people...

Probably just as well to be on my own, since I doubt many of these ladies would be much help. They're all jsut potential zombies. With raptors I guess they could serve as useful diversions...but with raptors you really just assume that you're dead anyway. Also it would be gross to watch a raptor take down and dismember my former 4th grade teacher, much as I hated her for benching me that one time I turned in my tessellation project late...but no, that is not enough for me to go all 5th column on the human race.

The two main walls of the classroom are all windows, which is unfortunate. However, they're pretty sturdy, plexi-glass type stuff, and I rather think the panes are small enough to give a big ol' raptor some trouble squeezing through. Oh, and I guess the district WANTS all its students and teachers to be eaten by raptors, since they just installed new doors that have a push-bar thing on one side and a lever-type knob on the other side. No opposable thumbs necessary. Thanks guys.

In the end I think I'd grab the backpack that has all the kids' emergency snacks and whatever weapon type thing I could find and hole up in the big walk in closet. I know it's dangerous to corner yourself in a place without an exit, but it still has a twist knob which would definitely slow down a dinosaur or zombie for a while at least, and I bet in a pinch I could climb up the shelves and whatnot, and maybe even go through the roof at the last minute.

Okay, now let's talk weapons. There's obviously pointers and yard sticks to use as stabby/jabby devices. You want a weightier, whacking-type weapon with zombies...nothing is readily available, but I might be able to rip apart the rocking chair or some easels. Luckily we've got 3 paper cutters in the room, which could certainly be useful in warding off assailants (Jon Stewart in The Faculty? Anyone?) but again, that's a pretty short range weapon. Probably in the case of raptors I'd want to pull some clever highjinks like the kids in the kitchen in Jurassic Park and trap them in the bathrooms(which adjoin to the classroom). But again, with the lever-type door handles, that would be quite temporary.

I guess what I learned from this is that (a) I need to start bringing a cricket bat with me everywhere I go (hey guys my birthday is coming up, hint hint) and (b)I need to watch The Faculty again. Dang, that movie is so fake good, it's better than good.